One of the most impacting movies I ever saw was "Terms of Endearment" staring Shirley Maclaine and Debra Winger. It is the story of a Mother losing her daughter to terminal cancer. I saw it at the movies way back when, and little did I know how very true the events depicted in the movie actually were. The last two hospitalizations I had a couple of the "terms" moments. The scene where Shirley Maclaine is at the hospital, an inch of gray from her roots, and looking like hell are pretty common for those of us caregivers. When pain medication was needed, I too looked like this and leaned in the window on the cancer ward nurses station..."We have been waiting twenty minutes..." I said...I didn't scream, I am saving that for future hospitalizations.
I am human, and did screw up yesterday. We had requested stronger pain meds, and anxiety drugs which our doctor agreed were necessary at this time. I missed the call from the doctor, called back and the receptionist told me they had called them in. I went to the pharmacy this morning, and it was explained to me the drugs are strong narcotics and must be hand carried. Came home to a near hysterical patient, and the doctor's office was closed. Got ahold of the on call physician, that in turn got ahold of the adjacent on call clinic next door, gave permission for them to go next door, get into his file and retrieve them. Oh what a relief that was, as the doctors said he could not go a day without them...
I threw on my favorite capri pants, as it is so sunny and warm today, my new flip flops a friend...actually more like a sister sent to me, and my favorite pale green shirt. Yes, I looked like Shirley once again, with gray stemming from the roots...but felt a bit better, thinking I was stylin', new and favorite stuff does that for ya. Got to the clinic looked down, and noticed I hadn't shaved my legs all winter. Oh well...it is what it is. I would have made Aurora Greenwood proud.
I took a month off work to get everything in order...contacted an attorney to look over everything to be sure nothing would go into probate. Took care of all the filings and so on, glad I did that. Shopped around for funeral homes, and looked at urns. He will come home with me, at least for awhile...his only request is to be one shelf "higher" than our dogs that have passed...which are in Urns also.
Speaking of urns, don't get one from the funeral home...unless you want to spend $800.-$2000.00 for a $50.-$400.00 urn. He doesn't want a service, being the Irishman he is wants a full blown Irish wake...a party. Now that will be interesting...He probably will want Holly there too. Which is fine and I know it is what he would want, haven't asked him but know he regards her as one of the family.
Holly is his wire...she has been with us eight years, came in high heartworm positive, pregnant, among other things. He has cared for her since the day we brought her home. Their daily outings for eight years have ceased, and she is not coping well. I am doing what I can to mimic their outings, but it is not the same.
Back to the urns...I have met hundreds of wire friends the past 12 years. The support of the wire community has been as passionate as the dogs themselves. Their loyalty always unwavering, a rock on which to stand and lean on. If I were to have earned anything through the mission of rescuing these dogs, it will have been for the incredible gifts of love and friendship. So with that said, the most amazing gift of all...a dear friend and of course wire owner called me yesterday. Her husband makes urns out of rare native woods. Her father a craftsman, taught him years ago as his business sold to funeral homes. So we talked about it, and her husband will be making the box which will hold his ashes. There are no words in my vocabulary to express what I felt after that call. Just the deep concern and caring, and she said they would be "honored" to be able to do this for me. I am honored, and so very grateful. How special a gift, more than a gift...again, there are no words.
Losing someone you love is hard, it takes you to the deepest, darkest recesses of your soul; places a person may have never thought existed. The love and loyalty of those around you support, and their unwavering sincerity one sometimes may feel unworthy of such kindness. But whether I am worthy or not, I am so grateful they are there.
