Raw Grief

When reading my last post a few times over, it may appear even to myself that it is one of anger. I purged those emotions as a way of cleaning out the toxins of my being. I then realized it was not anger at all, but sheer grief. Grief within those of passion tends to be more vocal, especially for those of us that talked in church, or class. Those Nuns were always beside themselves. It became a sport for me, one I enjoyed immensely.

Oddly, the dogs all have been rallying. There is never a time I am sitting here on my laptop that I don't have at least two curled up against me. The elder dog is more reserved, she is now moving into my pack and letting her Dad move on. She is missing her daily outings in the truck, ears flapping in the wind. Her Dad always took her with him everywhere. But in her infinite wisdom, she is coping in a way I only wish I could. They have a courage and understanding of life that we simply at our core do not get.....but wish I could tap into some of that courage.

Emotion is a good thing, God gave us emotion as a gift. Robbing our expression of emotion is taking away part of what makes us human. To not acknowledge the stages of grief will slow healing and the ability to move on. Moving on one day at a time has been my coping mechanism, and it has worked quite well up until a major change of events has signaled the last stretch of the race. We will lose this war, but we have won some major battles. We have stopped and smelled the roses. There has been a lot of laughter....

Dogs will express their emotions, they do not feel guilt for doing so. They do, and move on to the next. They don't look over their shoulder and say, "wow, wish I wouldn't have done that...." They make their voices heard, their opinions....and move on. They also are very intuitive to their owner's emotions. We smell different, give off different energy, and they take care of their humans. They do not worry about tomorrow, or how things will play out in the end. They do a job, provide a service as their place in a pack/family allows. They work together to do what they were put here to do.

We are very blessed to have them in our lives...they keep us grounded, and give us a purpose. The bond with our pets is incredible, and I know I would be lost without it. They give a human permission to be human. So I will go back to being human, and they will curl up with their head in my lap, providing comfort.